Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Once an Idiot...

Over the last year I've gone out of my way to try and play nice with my ex wife. There have been events that would have warranted involving the police or the court, but in my hope of finding d├ętente I've let things slide that could have been used to my advantage in dealing with a hostile and unstable ex. Besides wanting to keep it civil for our sons, I think one of my weaknesses has been that I don't hate my ex and have tried to give her the benefit of the doubt whenever I could. 

Over the last few months our children have become increasingly uncomfortable with spending much if any time with their mother. For two years they've dealt with never knowing if she'd even show for her parent time (Utah's nomenclature for visitation) and if she did, whether they'd be spending the afternoon or weekend with nice mommy, depressed mommy, stressed mommy, or worse. 

Not long after she was too hung over to even bother showing up on Mother's Day our oldest decided he'd had enough and announced he wouldn't visit at all unless I went with him. (He'd stopped doing overnights months before that but was OK going for a two or three hour afternoon visit once every week or two. Not now.) So three or four times over the last two months I've sat across the park or in another booth at McDonald's while the boys hung out with mom for an hour. Twice she threw a tantrum and threatened to leave, saying within earshot of our sons, "If they don't want to see me then I'll just go and try to forget I ever was a mother!" Bloody hell.

So last night I was cleaning up some online stuff and happened across some online posts my ex made that basically described me as Satan and the founder of my church in even worse terms (a church in which she too was raised and professed belief in while we were married). The details don't matter other than to say some of her comments were regarding our boys and how I'm manipulating them into being distant from her. That one's about as self aware as a goldfish, she is...

So I'll leave you to figure out who the idiot is, but I'll mention that it seems a little foolish in hindsight for me to have thought all this time that we could at least work as a team for the benefit of our children. I decided two years ago that I loved my kids more than I disliked my ex and have done my best to act accordingly. It seems she hasn't come to the same conclusion, so I may have to adjust.