You know those things in life that you just figure most people should instinctively know? Yeah, that's not always the case.
If you've had certain views your whole life; political, philosophical, religious... whatever. If you've espoused a certain ethic, and if you've built a life with others using that ethic as its foundation, but then come to a point where you decide it's not for you, then cool. I get it. Happens to the worst of us. (Oops, did I just write that out loud? To be honest it happens to the best of us too but I was feeling mean.) Anyway, here's the thing: your new found enlightenment doesn't give you license to ridicule your previously held beliefs or those who still espouse them. Because when you do, you just come across as an even bigger ignoramus than when you were still pretending to live your old beliefs (but were actually sneaking around, doing otherwise).
Your new beliefs don't make you any more clued in than the rest of us, my friend. We're all just trying to get by...
And here's the thing. One of my closest friends in this world went through a realignment of his beliefs a while back and we've spent hours over the last few years talking about it (and even more years discussing our views both positive and questioning of our own religion and a million other things) and we've never done it with contention, a lack of respect, or condescension from either side. It's perfectly acceptable for friends to have differing points of view, even where they once had full agreement. But that's not good enough for some people...
So here's a dollar. Go buy some candy and complain to the bum out in front of 7-11 about how your old religion ruined your life. He might actually be interested in hearing what you have to say.
And yes, I feel better now. :)
Monday, June 18, 2012
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Another Day, Another Candle
So I turned 47 last week. My boys woke me with a home made card from the older one (awesome) and lamentations from the younger one, "I can't make you a card because I have a broken arm!" (Equally awesome in its strange humor.) It's amazing how quickly he adapted to playing the sympathy card after he broke his arm falling off the monkey bars last week. We were on our way to have dinner with relatives on Sunday and he said with utter nonchalance, "They're going to feel real sorry for me because I have a broken arm." That one already keeps me on my toes. He'll be five next month.
I can't believe it's been another year. They really are speeding up. The boys and I started our awesome summer a few weeks ago and are gearing up for a trip to Houston soon to see GrandJack and GrandJo, the kids grandparents. We're in for a fireworks show and sailing in Galveston Bay... it's the highlight of the boys' summer every year. The cast comes off two days before we leave. Thank the Lord for tender mercies, 50% of our Texas trip every year involves swimming or water; hard to do with a cast and your arm in a sling.
I'm trying to find a new bass. My band lost its drummer and we're doing a stripped down trio at the moment. Still plugged in but with the emphasis on vocals, harmonies, etc. I may break down and finally buy that Hofner Beatle Bass I always wanted...
And yes, my mind is jumping around like that all the time lately. Things are in flux. Like they haven't been in the past three years? Yeah... I've got my boys and I've got food in the fridge. Not much more but I can't really complain. I could use some more work though. If you know anyone doing a film I know a colorist that can help them out. Just send 'em my way.
I can't believe it's been another year. They really are speeding up. The boys and I started our awesome summer a few weeks ago and are gearing up for a trip to Houston soon to see GrandJack and GrandJo, the kids grandparents. We're in for a fireworks show and sailing in Galveston Bay... it's the highlight of the boys' summer every year. The cast comes off two days before we leave. Thank the Lord for tender mercies, 50% of our Texas trip every year involves swimming or water; hard to do with a cast and your arm in a sling.
I'm trying to find a new bass. My band lost its drummer and we're doing a stripped down trio at the moment. Still plugged in but with the emphasis on vocals, harmonies, etc. I may break down and finally buy that Hofner Beatle Bass I always wanted...
And yes, my mind is jumping around like that all the time lately. Things are in flux. Like they haven't been in the past three years? Yeah... I've got my boys and I've got food in the fridge. Not much more but I can't really complain. I could use some more work though. If you know anyone doing a film I know a colorist that can help them out. Just send 'em my way.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Just Because it's Change Does't Always Mean it's Growth (pt. 1)
One sad truth I've learned over the years is that, while there are still lessons to be learned in my middle-aged life, a good many of them will come as a result of much pain and sadness. One thing I cherish about my kids is that they've allowed me to see the world again through eyes that haven't become cynical through experience. I see them each day and wonder if my dad had the same trepidation as I do now, watching them grow and struggling to find a balance between protecting them from the hard parts of life and letting them experience enough to become inured to them.
I was raised in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Each branch of my family history is replete with stories of the faith and sacrifice of my ancestors, who chose this path before the cast was even set. My parents were raised in an old fashioned Mormonism that began to fade in its cultural mainstream before I was even born. As I grew up I realized that my home existed in a generation of Mormonism that was at least 30 years behind the one in which my friends were being raised. I appreciate that fact and have always been thankful for the parents who raised me. The LDS church is not only my religion, it defines who I am and is the prism through which I see my life and my whole family tree.
Over the years I have questioned my faith a number of times. I often get the feeling I know a bit more about Mormonism's storied beginnings than the average congregant, but I've still discovered doctrines, events, and questions that called for answers I had to find to my own satisfaction. I don't make a habit of looking for answers among those who spend their time denigrating the LDS church, but I've never accepted the idea that I should only look to sanitized sources either. I'd rather learn the truth about things (where it can be established) and decide from there. Each time this has happened I've come to the ultimate conclusion that "the church" is where I belong. It's where God wants me and where I want to live my life. It's who I am. I feel God's presence most in my life when I strive to live in the way I was taught.
Before my first son was born I found myself questioning almost every aspect of my life. I'd been pondering the meaning of truth and whether I identified as a Mormon because my parents and family did or whether I truly believed it was the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. Joseph Smith taught that truth is something to be embraced, no matter where it ultimately leads. The question that came to my mind was whether I was following the truth (God) or following man. Any man. I came to understand that following God was the only choice I wanted to embrace and that I needed to do so even if it meant His leading me out of the only church I'd ever known. I didn't think He was going to, but I had to be open to the idea if I was going to ask for God's guidance and be willing to follow it, no matter what.
It was at that point that I made the biggest mistake of my marriage. Not that it was wrong to do so, but it proved to show a divide between my wife and I that, ultimately, was never closed. I approached my ex and explained everything I'd been pondering. Over the few years we'd been married she'd often complained that I didn't trust her enough; that I wasn't open to her in sharing my innermost thoughts. I wanted to though, and here was a chance.
My ex was also raised in the LDS church. Her past was a little more colorful than some, but when we dated I made a point of inquiring about (and she made a point of expressing) her commitment to and belief in our shared faith. When she was pregnant and I explained to her what I was thinking she didn't say much, but I knew immediately that I should have been silent on the matter. Within a few days she confronted me with a lecture and made sure that I understood she would never allow our son to be raised outside of the church. The best way I can frame the conversation is to describe it as less than charitable. I found later that she'd gone to various family members and others to express my "apostasy," and our relationship was never the same. There were at least two major events later in our marriage when she brought up these events. Each time it was done to emphasize that I would never measure up as far as church matters were concerned, and that she deserved better. The circumstances behind her bringing that up struck me as quite ironic once I (later) learned why, but that can wait for my next post.
I was raised in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Each branch of my family history is replete with stories of the faith and sacrifice of my ancestors, who chose this path before the cast was even set. My parents were raised in an old fashioned Mormonism that began to fade in its cultural mainstream before I was even born. As I grew up I realized that my home existed in a generation of Mormonism that was at least 30 years behind the one in which my friends were being raised. I appreciate that fact and have always been thankful for the parents who raised me. The LDS church is not only my religion, it defines who I am and is the prism through which I see my life and my whole family tree.
Over the years I have questioned my faith a number of times. I often get the feeling I know a bit more about Mormonism's storied beginnings than the average congregant, but I've still discovered doctrines, events, and questions that called for answers I had to find to my own satisfaction. I don't make a habit of looking for answers among those who spend their time denigrating the LDS church, but I've never accepted the idea that I should only look to sanitized sources either. I'd rather learn the truth about things (where it can be established) and decide from there. Each time this has happened I've come to the ultimate conclusion that "the church" is where I belong. It's where God wants me and where I want to live my life. It's who I am. I feel God's presence most in my life when I strive to live in the way I was taught.
Before my first son was born I found myself questioning almost every aspect of my life. I'd been pondering the meaning of truth and whether I identified as a Mormon because my parents and family did or whether I truly believed it was the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. Joseph Smith taught that truth is something to be embraced, no matter where it ultimately leads. The question that came to my mind was whether I was following the truth (God) or following man. Any man. I came to understand that following God was the only choice I wanted to embrace and that I needed to do so even if it meant His leading me out of the only church I'd ever known. I didn't think He was going to, but I had to be open to the idea if I was going to ask for God's guidance and be willing to follow it, no matter what.
It was at that point that I made the biggest mistake of my marriage. Not that it was wrong to do so, but it proved to show a divide between my wife and I that, ultimately, was never closed. I approached my ex and explained everything I'd been pondering. Over the few years we'd been married she'd often complained that I didn't trust her enough; that I wasn't open to her in sharing my innermost thoughts. I wanted to though, and here was a chance.
My ex was also raised in the LDS church. Her past was a little more colorful than some, but when we dated I made a point of inquiring about (and she made a point of expressing) her commitment to and belief in our shared faith. When she was pregnant and I explained to her what I was thinking she didn't say much, but I knew immediately that I should have been silent on the matter. Within a few days she confronted me with a lecture and made sure that I understood she would never allow our son to be raised outside of the church. The best way I can frame the conversation is to describe it as less than charitable. I found later that she'd gone to various family members and others to express my "apostasy," and our relationship was never the same. There were at least two major events later in our marriage when she brought up these events. Each time it was done to emphasize that I would never measure up as far as church matters were concerned, and that she deserved better. The circumstances behind her bringing that up struck me as quite ironic once I (later) learned why, but that can wait for my next post.
Monday, December 19, 2011
One Year On
Has it really been a year?
As I hit publish on my last post I had no idea it would be thirteen months before I posted again. So much has happened in that time that it could easily have been twice that amount and I wouldn't be surprised. Divorce made final, (then) lawyers, vindictive and bitter ex family members, new business opportunities, a new place to live... And always, my beautiful children. As much stress as all the rest caused, having my boys with me every single day has been a worthwhile trade. They bring me joy, laughter, hope, frustration, affection, pure love, and even more stress just about every day. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
So I'm half way through my Sophomore year in college. I just finished another term and know I've secured at least one "A" out of the deal. (Human Biology even!) I keep checking the grade page online for my other class because I'm hoping to squeak through on that one to keep my 4.0 intact. For a guy who couldn't be any less bothered over grades in high school (or even passing the class on many accounts), I've become pretty grade focused as a college student. I figure I'll need all the help I can get if I end up deciding on law school. To be honest I need to be more education than grade focused in my studies. I got so busy over the last six months that I barely studied at all. I'm fairly lucky in that I retain fairly well the stuff that does sink in, so last minute papers and cramming for finals haven't tripped me up so far. That's going to change though. I want to enjoy school, rather than just fly through it. While also baking cookies and wiping butts and chauffeuring kiddos and color grading indie films and...
As I hit publish on my last post I had no idea it would be thirteen months before I posted again. So much has happened in that time that it could easily have been twice that amount and I wouldn't be surprised. Divorce made final, (then) lawyers, vindictive and bitter ex family members, new business opportunities, a new place to live... And always, my beautiful children. As much stress as all the rest caused, having my boys with me every single day has been a worthwhile trade. They bring me joy, laughter, hope, frustration, affection, pure love, and even more stress just about every day. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
So I'm half way through my Sophomore year in college. I just finished another term and know I've secured at least one "A" out of the deal. (Human Biology even!) I keep checking the grade page online for my other class because I'm hoping to squeak through on that one to keep my 4.0 intact. For a guy who couldn't be any less bothered over grades in high school (or even passing the class on many accounts), I've become pretty grade focused as a college student. I figure I'll need all the help I can get if I end up deciding on law school. To be honest I need to be more education than grade focused in my studies. I got so busy over the last six months that I barely studied at all. I'm fairly lucky in that I retain fairly well the stuff that does sink in, so last minute papers and cramming for finals haven't tripped me up so far. That's going to change though. I want to enjoy school, rather than just fly through it. While also baking cookies and wiping butts and chauffeuring kiddos and color grading indie films and...
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Lots and Lots of Homework
Five weeks ago I began a project that's only about 27 years overdue. Last week I hit midterms in my first semester as a college Freshman. I'm a student at Columbia College (of Columbia Missouri), and am taking my courses online. As such, they are abbreviated into eight week courses. Because of the magnified workload the maximum number of classes I can take is two. And yes, I am glad for that. Now...
Before starting I lamented (to myself because there is no one left with whom to lament such things) that I'd sure like to take three or four classes so I can get this thing done quickly. Yeah, that would have been a mistake. The biggest lesson I've learned so far is that I haven't changed much in 27 years where school is concerned. From the first assignment I was reading half the description and then going off half cocked to finish the paper without bothering to read anything else. The next lesson I learned was that school hadn't changed all that much either. My instructors kind of expect me to turn in what they've asked for. Imagine that! What hasn't helped is that I can usually get a decent grade even when doing it 'my way', but decent isn't good enough anymore. I want 95-100, not 92 or 86. The good thing is that I've found I have other habits which are actually helpful in school.
I tend to be inquisitive and am usually not content with generic answers and explanations. These classes aren't self directed but they are self motivated in that there are no lectures. I have a list of things to read and a list of assignments to write based on what I've learned from what I've read. Two of my textbooks are great. The other one sucks. Either way, I end up online looking for more no matter what the assignment is (and no, I don't usually look to Wikipedia for those answers). And I'm getting better at reading all the instructions now as well.
If I had more hours in a day I might be able to juggle homework and the kids and taking the older one to school and back and band practice and getting my company off the ground. As it is I'm grabbing for what I can when I can. Like most people, I'm sure... Anyway, I'm having fun. I'm really liking my English Composition class. More than I thought I would, actually. If I could figure out how to make a decent living at 50 with an English degree I might chuck my previous plans and do that instead. It doesn't hurt that I seem to be doing well in the class. Then again I'm doing well in American Government too but the passion is definitely in English. I may even post one of my assignments. It was a compare/contrast essay. It almost looks like something for my Government class but only because I'm still a follower of the political stuff. At least it's not writing about getting divorced!
Before starting I lamented (to myself because there is no one left with whom to lament such things) that I'd sure like to take three or four classes so I can get this thing done quickly. Yeah, that would have been a mistake. The biggest lesson I've learned so far is that I haven't changed much in 27 years where school is concerned. From the first assignment I was reading half the description and then going off half cocked to finish the paper without bothering to read anything else. The next lesson I learned was that school hadn't changed all that much either. My instructors kind of expect me to turn in what they've asked for. Imagine that! What hasn't helped is that I can usually get a decent grade even when doing it 'my way', but decent isn't good enough anymore. I want 95-100, not 92 or 86. The good thing is that I've found I have other habits which are actually helpful in school.
I tend to be inquisitive and am usually not content with generic answers and explanations. These classes aren't self directed but they are self motivated in that there are no lectures. I have a list of things to read and a list of assignments to write based on what I've learned from what I've read. Two of my textbooks are great. The other one sucks. Either way, I end up online looking for more no matter what the assignment is (and no, I don't usually look to Wikipedia for those answers). And I'm getting better at reading all the instructions now as well.
If I had more hours in a day I might be able to juggle homework and the kids and taking the older one to school and back and band practice and getting my company off the ground. As it is I'm grabbing for what I can when I can. Like most people, I'm sure... Anyway, I'm having fun. I'm really liking my English Composition class. More than I thought I would, actually. If I could figure out how to make a decent living at 50 with an English degree I might chuck my previous plans and do that instead. It doesn't hurt that I seem to be doing well in the class. Then again I'm doing well in American Government too but the passion is definitely in English. I may even post one of my assignments. It was a compare/contrast essay. It almost looks like something for my Government class but only because I'm still a follower of the political stuff. At least it's not writing about getting divorced!
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