Thursday, August 12, 2010

A Little Bit Lower Now...

Bloody Hell!

I tried writing a post this morning. By the time I was done I wanted to jump out a window. After editing it I felt even worse!

I know some of this has been sad and all, but I'm really trying not to turn into that guy.

I was totally lost the Fall after I graduated high school. I was 18, my hair was finally how I wanted it, I had pro bass gear, high heels, and all the make-up I'd ever need. What could the problem be? I'd even auditioned for a band led by a local rock star and been invited to join. I turned them down because they rejected my best friend (who'd auditioned on guitar), but said friend still seemed bent out of shape about it and I don't know that things were ever the same after that. Anyway, he'd discovered the joys of pre-marital fornication and that may have had more to do with why I never saw him anymore. Either way I was left in a funk, not wanting to blow off my responsibilities to God but also not wanting to lose out on my biggest goal in life to that point, which was to be in the next Mötley Crüe. Don't laugh, this was 1983 and I lived just over the hill from Hollywood. Guys a lot less talented than I made millions on that wave...

Anyway, I had this friend named Steve. I'd known him since seventh grade and we'd been pretty tight (ask me sometime about driving around all night in the stolen Millennium Falcon). So I must have spent three weeks straight, crying to Steve about how sad and pathetic my life was at that very moment. He listened patiently like the friend he was for two weeks and six days. Then he exploded. His words have never left me; "Dude! EVERYBODY'S life sucks! My life is great and you're even depressing ME!" "Nobody wants to hear how sad you are. Get over it!" "If all you can talk about is how depressed you are and how everything is crap, nobody's going to want to have you around anymore!"

It took me a while to figure it out but you know what? Steve was right.

My post this morning was all about how freaked out I am because my life is in limbo. My wife, though she may be depressed because she lost her job and can't move out of her mother's basement as soon as she wanted to, is not in limbo. Our marriage covenants obviously lost all meaning to her so she can blow them off and move on even if we aren't actually divorced (OK, she did that even before she left). I can't. I'm married. So I'll just deal with it. It'll take a few months and then I can move on. It's not like everyone reading this doesn't also have a life full of trials and challenges, right?

I'm healthy. My boys are healthy. Shoot, I still have a few basses left (though the high heels are long gone). In the great scheme of things I don't really have so much to complain about, do I?


Evon said...

The limbo your in is frustrating. It's OK to be frustrated! And sometimes limbo can keep you out of trouble.

Old Man C said...

You're right Evon. I think this forced 'time out' will be a good thing in the end. I'm used to having more of a handle on my emotions and plans though, so this is definitely s frustrating time. Thanks for checking in on me. :)